I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
