Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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