so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
