I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
