I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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