but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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