his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
