I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
