So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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