my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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