lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
