My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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