apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
