I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
