I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
