I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
