Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
