Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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