was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize