I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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