that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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