While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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