can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
too bad you live with your parents still
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
