Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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