He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
