i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize