Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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