Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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