Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
