If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
