maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
