think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
