Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
