I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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