He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
