By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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