Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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