Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
