thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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