Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My penis needs a shock collar
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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