Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
