i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
