I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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