when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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