wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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