Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
