He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
