Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize