we have pet lesbian snakes
i think my tv is drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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