Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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