So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
