Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
