My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
