i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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