from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize