worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
