So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize