FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
