I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
