i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
