My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
