i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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