I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So much rum. So many feels.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize