She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
