how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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