Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
