planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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