Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize