Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
