and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
