Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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