I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
