its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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